


Dying Angel - Awakening Demon

by GraveyardOllie



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Blood, Car Accidents, Forests, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Major injuries, Self-Doubt, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts, cursing, injuries, mentions of torture, naked body
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-30
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:53:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27795688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GraveyardOllie/pseuds/GraveyardOllie
Summary: Virgil hated being alive. I mean, he liked it at first. His first breath. His first feeling of him touching the skin. Then it hit him. The headache of laying too long on the hard ground. The coldness. Where was he? Virgil looked around. It seemed like he found himself in the forest. Although how did he get here remained a mystery. Anxiety grew in his stomach. As long as he can remember, he was not allowed to go down to earth. It was strictly forbidden. Has he fallen? Is this some kind of test to see if he’s loyal enough? He couldn’t quite tell. He never felt like an angel. He never felt like a demon. He never actually tried to be a human. All he ever wanted was to be happy and to be himself. But first things first, he needed to get out of wherever he was.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Logic | Logan Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders, Prinxiety, Roman/Patton brothers
Kudos: 14





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Virgil hated being alive. I mean, he liked it at first. His first breath. His first feeling of him touching the skin. Then it hit him. The headache of laying too long on the hard ground. The coldness. Where was he? Virgil looked around. It seemed like he found himself in the forest. Although how did he get here remained a mystery. Anxiety grew in his stomach. As long as he can remember, he was not allowed to go down to earth. It was strictly forbidden. Has he fallen? Is this some kind of test to see if he’s loyal enough? He couldn’t quite tell. He never felt like an angel. He never felt like a demon. He never actually tried to be a human. All he ever wanted was to be happy and to be himself. But first things first, he needed to get out of wherever he was. 

*****

“Roman, why on earth would you want to go to that creepy forest again? I thought we agreed, nothing that’s there is worth giving up your life, no matter what sort of mysteries to solve there may be.” Patton did not like the idea of Roman going to the forest alone. Not after what happened to them last time. Besides, rumors of weird stuff happening there, especially after the dark were something to look out for. He rathered to just drink some cinnamon tea and work on their research in the comfort of their house. “I know Patton. The last time we went there...well, it did not end very well. But you need to understand, no one ever trusted me this much than the mayor of this city. He asked me. Me! To discover what is going on in this weird forest. You almost lost your leg, Patton! People are dying and found in there! And I need to know why. I- We..can be heroes of this story.” Patton hated when Roman was getting emotional like this. He wished his brother would realize that he already is a hero. He helped others so much. He was like a knight on a white horse. If Remus was still alive, he would probably agree. He would also agree that there was little to no chance of stopping Roman from going. Patton sighed very deeply and then stood up with a little yelp of pain. Roman tried to help him, but he denied his well-meaning gesture. “Then I’m going with you.” 

“What?! Patton, you are barely able to stand on your own. I can’t let you get hurt again.” Roman said with visible concern on his face. “I am going with you, or you and I both, are staying here. I will not go to the forest, but wait for you in the car, okay? I prefer being not too far away just in case you may need my help. Please?” Roman knew this was a bad idea. He had no heart to say it, but in this state, Patton was nothing but another pray to whatever is hiding in that forest. If Roman really needed some help, they both will end up dead. But Roman knew there wasn’t anything he could say to convince Patton to stay home. So he agreed. 

****

Virgil didn’t know where he was going. West? South? He couldn’t tell. It was way too dark to see anything. He was so cold. All he had with him were some boxers and a little blanket to cover himself. Although it was so thin it didn’t really make any difference. He didn’t miss home. But he also wished he wasn’t in this terrible place. What did he do to deserve this fate? One day you’re an angel with beautiful wings, you feel like nothing and no one can stop you. Until you realize that someone actually can and will tear you down. And then you end up in some fucking forest, without your wings, half-naked and without any idea where to go. Then all of a sudden texture of the ground changed. It was even harder than the other one. What was it? Virgil looked closer. Some weird white lines were painted on it. Then...the light. Has he been forgiven? The light came closer. Too close-   
Virgil was flying.   
And then he hit the ground again.   
He saw something red coming out of him.   
He felt...pain.   
What the fuck?   
He sat on the ground and the whole world started to spin around him. He tried to stand back up. Nope. Too much effort right now. He couldn’t breathe. Too much pain. Too many thoughts. Too much light. Everything was just too much.   
He heard some voices.  
Virgil tried to focus. He noticed someone. He was screaming something to someone else. Or...was he yelling at him? Rude. 

***

“Hey, can you hear me? Hello? Shit, shit, shit. Patton, stay in the car, I’ll- shit- I’ll handle this! Please, don’t fall asleep. That’s literally the worse thing you can do. Stay with me okay? What’s your name? Can you tell me why you’re here? Did someone kidnap you? Hello?” Roman was panicking. Of course, he was! Someone finally trusted him enough to solve a mystery on his own and now he’ll end up in jail! What kind of fame is this?! And this poor person. He needs to get them out of here to the nearest hospital as quick as possible. The thing is, the nearest hospital is almost 2 hours from here. They will not make it on time. They’ll die before they’ll get there. Gosh. He messed up everything once again! He’s such a burden to this world...and now-  
The mysterious human made some full of pain noise. This was enough for Roman to stop his train of thoughts and actually do something. He picked them up and put them very gently in the back of the car. “Will they be okay?” asked Patton with a voice filled with fear. Roman bit his lip. “Yes. I’ll make sure of it.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil remembered being picked up. But that was it. Then there were only pleasant fragments of someone quietly singing...someone being so gentle towards him as if he was some fragile flower. It was nothing like how he was treated at home. He could smell some nice scent. It made his stomach make some weird noises. But he didn’t have enough strength to wake up yet. Then...he remembers some unpleasant nightmares as well. The anger of those above him. They told Virgil he was a sinner. He should be ashamed of himself. He was being tortured. The pain he has never felt before. Sometimes he would wake up screaming. And then this voice again...so calming...he stopped. This happened multiple times actually. Nightmares. Scream. Then this soft touch, the soft voice telling him that he’s safe now. But was he actually safe? Could he trust the person this voice belonged to? He wished the answer to this question would be yes. But Virgil learned to never be so naive. He needed to make sure the person means no harm. He needed to fully wake up first. Regain some strength for possible battle. For a little while, he allowed himself to rest.

Virgil remembered being picked up. But that was it. Then there were only pleasant fragments of someone quietly singing...someone being so gentle towards him as if he was some fragile flower. It was nothing like how he was treated at home. He could smell some nice scent. It made his stomach make some weird noises. But he didn’t have enough strength to wake up yet. Then...he remembers some unpleasant nightmares as well. The anger of those above him. They told Virgil he was a sinner. He should be ashamed of himself. He was being tortured. The pain he has never felt before. Sometimes he would wake up screaming. And then this voice again...so calming...he stopped. This happened multiple times actually. Nightmares. Scream. Then this soft touch, the soft voice telling him that he’s safe now. But was he actually safe? Could he trust the person this voice belonged to? He wished the answer to this question would be yes. But Virgil learned to never be so naive. He needed to make sure the person means no harm. He needed to fully wake up first. Regain some strength for possible battle. For a little while, he allowed himself to rest.

“How are they doing?” asked Roman quietly to not wake the stranger up. “According to my knowledge, they are stable at the moment. The impact of a crash caused fractures to some of their ribs. To put it simply, that kind of injury is especially dangerous because these broken bones can impact other parts of the body, damaging organs and blood vessels. You were very lucky that did not happen, otherwise, you would most likely be responsible for this person’s death.” Logan said firmly. “How could you be so irresponsible? If I had not made it on time, you would be a murderer. Do you have any understanding of how serious this is? You still may have to be held accountable for causing serious injuries due to a car accident. I will not protect you this time. You need to face the consequences of your actions Roman.” Roman felt like crying. Why did all of this have to happen to him? There was maybe a small chance the stranger will not remember anything that happened and Roman could just lie to him that he just saved them after a driver that actually caused the accident just drove away. However, there was a part of him that couldn’t bring himself to lie to this poor soul. Logan is right. He should face the consequences. He ran too much from his problems lately. Why did he even bother? He really thought he could be the hero of the story. And now he is the bad one. Pathetic. Maybe he should go to this forest and never come back. He could just wait for his painful death. But knowing his luck, it would probably not come as fast as he would wish.

Patton thanked Logan for coming and gave him a full plate of cookies and 200$ hidden under it. Damn it. Why did Roman always have to live under someone’s shadow? He should be the one with a plate full of home-made cookies. Ugh. Alright, he had to make everything right. As soon as the stranger will wake up, he will tell them the truth. He has to. He is not evil. He’s. Not. Evil.

Virgil finally got enough strength to open his eyes. The sudden wave of memories from that terrible night made his vision blurry. The pain he felt was still not comparable to the tortures he had been through, but that doesn’t mean he had to like it. Damn, it really hurt. After taking a few deep breaths, he finally managed to look around. He was in clean clothes and on top of him were layers of blankets. Finally, a warmth surrounded him. On his left side, he could see someone in the kitchen. Could it be the owner of the soft voice he heard while being unconscious? Maybe. From there he could smell something nice. It made his stomach very upset. What was this feeling? He hated being like this. On his right side, he saw the small fireplace made of red bricks. He saw also reddish walls and wooden panels on the floor. There was also someone asleep next to him. Then he saw the door and a window right next to it, easy two ways of escaping just in case. Wait. Go back. Someone was asleep next to him. Virgil panicked. He rolled back and hit the wooden floor with his back and hissed in pain. The stranger woke up and looked around. They seemed confused. Then their eyes met his and the whole world stopped. The time froze. Virgil’s breath started to speed up. The stranger stood up. They tried to come closer but Virgil moved away until he hit the wall. This weird human stopped while Virgil tried his best to stay brave and not break eye contact. “Wait. Hey. It’s okay. I mean no harm. See?” The stranger sat down on the floor and looked at Virgil with his wide brown eyes. This voice...it’s their voice he heard when he was asleep. “Who are you and what do you want from me?” Virgil asked sharply. “Okay, uh...I’m Roman. This is my brother, Patton. I use he/him pronouns and I...well, I hit you with my car BY accident, and in my defense, you were the one just standing on the road half-naked in the middle of the pitch-black night like some crazy person, no offense, and then I actually took care of you and helped you not...die...so um...you’re welcome…?”

This took Virgil out of track actually. What the heck? Did this weirdo just say he hurt him and then accused HIM of being crazy? He was too tired for this nonsense. As long as they actually meant no harm he didn’t care. He was good to go. He slowly stood up with a little help from the wall. “Alright. Well, sorry for being a burden to you for whoever knows how long I was out. I’ll be on my way now.” “Wait!” Roman stood quickly up and stopped Virgil from going any way further. “I mean...I get you probably miss your family and want to get back home as soon as possible, you were unconscious for like 5 days, they are all probably worried sick. I’m sorry all of this had to happen to you. But we just want to help. We need to know what happened. Why were you all alone half-naked in the forest? You were not the only one who got badly hurt because of the forest...many of the people did not make it alive after going in there.”

“Look. I just...I’m not sure. I don’t think your brain is capable enough to get any of the things I had to go through lately. But all I know is that I woke up in the forest and I got out of there and then I got hit by this...thing…”

“You mean a car?”

“Whatever. You know what I mean. Now let me go. I really don’t want to fight you.” said Virgil angrily. That was what ‘’summoned’’ the other person to this conversation. Patton. Roman’s brother. “Now, now, let’s not fight. I’m aware the situation is a bit complicated but we will get to the answers in time.” Patton turned his head to Virgil. “Hi, kiddo. I’m Patton. I’m Roman’s brother. I bet you’re really hungry am I right?” “Am I...what…?” Virgil asked confused. Patton gave him a concerned look. Was being hungry a bad thing? “Oh, poor thing...he must’ve gotten a small concussion...may I take your hand? I will lead you to the table. Dinner’s almost ready.” It was really as if he did not have a choice but Virgil agreed. He took Patton’s hand and went with him to the table. There the brothers finally got to know his name. “My name...my name is Virgil.”

Of course. Now Patton’s a hero. The stranger...Virgil...now trusted Patton’s more than his actual savior. ROMAN. He took a deep breath. He will go to that stupid forest. Alone. He will show everyone he is an actual good person. He will get his revenge by showing them all he can achieve something. He will be a hero for once. He will. Very soon. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings for the chapter: Suicidal thoughts, swearing, yelling/arguments, broken bones, losing control of yourself, self-loathing, self-hate (let me know if there is more)

Patton woke up in a strange mood. He had this weird feeling about their new friend. Not in a negative way, but still...something was off. No matter what, he had to make Virgil feel welcome like he deserves. After five more minutes of well-deserved sleep, Patton got up from his very comfortable bed and went towards the kitchen to make some breakfast. “Good morning Patton,” said Virgil from the other side of the counter. Patton screamed. “O-oh. Hi, there, kiddo! I’m sorry. I just haven’t really expected someone up this early. My older brother over there will not get up until at least 1 PM.”  
Virgil smiled a little shy. “That’s okay, Patton. Maybe, I shouldn’t be so quiet after all. I just didn’t want to wake you up. I also tried to make breakfast as a thank you for your trouble in keeping me safe, but...well, as you can see, it didn’t go very well. I’m halfway into cleaning up.”  
Patton looked around, a little confused. The kitchen seemed in excellent condition. “Halfway?” Virgil got a little blushy. “Yeah, I...also had to use a small part of the living room. I just couldn’t fit all of my needed stuff here, so..but I hope that’s...okay?”  
Patton took a deep breath. Not because he was angry, but because he smelled something...being burned. The living room. He rushed there as fast as he could. Why was the oven in the living room?! How did he not hear all of this? And this smell...was he really sleeping that deep? Gosh, alright. He took the fire extinguisher and stopped the fire from spreading any further. Virgil followed Patton right after. He looked so...tired.  
“I’m so sorry, Patton, I probably shouldn’t...I only made things worse, I-” Patton grabbed Virgil’s hands and squished them a little tighter. “It’s okay, Virgil. You did nothing wrong. I actually really appreciate that you’re trying to help us. Maybe the problem is not that you are trying to help, but how. Cooking clearly isn’t something you’re passionate about. Do you want to try something else, maybe?”  
“Yeah...yeah, I’d like that.”

***  
Roman had many nightmares that night.  
He dreamed about being in the forest again.

The first time Roman went to the forest, it didn’t end well. Patton got severely, hurt and it was all Roman’s fault. But this time, no one knew where he was. Roman didn’t even leave a note. If he was going to die today, then so be it. At least, he won’t go down as a coward but as someone who tried to make this world a little better.  
He came prepared. He had a gun and a ton of bullets in his bag. If someone is trying to take advantage of poor people who got so unlucky to be in this forest all by themselves...this will be this bastard’s last time doing so.

He searched for way too long now. No one cared that he was here. Why everything has to be always so brutal in his life? He sat under the tree and closed his eyes. He was so tired. He hasn’t slept at all, hasn’t eaten, and worst of all, he didn’t say goodbye to his little brother. Roman opened his eyes again and looked at the gun he was holding. Was his time coming? Was this really it? Maybe Patton was actually better off without him-  
“Well, it would be a real shame losing such a well-looking man from this world~” Roman stood up and backed off. He pointed his gun towards a stranger. “Who the fuck are you?” Roman asked suspiciously.

“Oh, such a gentleman and such cruel words coming from his mouth...they do not fit you at all! But...if you insist. My name is Janus. And I’m here to change your life for the better.” Janus smiled reassuringly.

Roman looked at him, surprised. “How? By killing me like all of the other 30 people? I’m already on my way to do that, so you-”

“Demons forbid, no you silly. I’m talking about real help. You always wanted to be a hero, haven’t you? Your history is drawn all over your face...Your little brother, praised all the time, while you...scolded by your parents like some unworthy bastard. But you still love your brother, right? You want what is best for him...but now he’s a hero again. Other people will praise him for saving some weird stranger. And you’ll never be anything more than a rat. In the shadows of others.”  
Roman felt tears in his eyes. “W-what…”  
“I know the truth may be hard to hear...but you are the one who showed it to me.”  
“Am I that easy to figure out?”  
“Well, those are your words, not mine, but you can put it that way, yes.”  
Roman lowered his gun and looked down. “I’m such a mess. What am I even doing with my life…? It’s pointless. I will never be a hero.”  
“But you can be a hero, Roman! Take my word for it. People will see you. They will praise you, fear you, and scream your name. Roman, Roman, Roman.’’ His name was coming from all the sides of the forest like a calming echo for his soul. No one will remember that little brother of yours. You will be able to come out of the shadows and be above others. All you need to do is to trust me and...take my hand.”  
“All I wanted in my life is my brother to be happy and have a good life. I’m...not sure if I want Patton to be in my shadows. He deserves to be in the spotlight. I am not going to take that away from him.”  
Janus looked at him with despise. “What a shame. And I thought I could do it the easy way.” He charged at Roman, and before Roman could even scream, everything turned into darkness.

\--  
Roman woke up all sweaty and disgusting. His breath was fast, and his eyes were full of tears. He checked his phone. 11 AM. This was quite early for Roman, but he couldn’t imagine staying in this bed any longer. He needed to get up...and maybe shower.  
He couldn’t stop thinking about Janus. The conversation between them felt way too real to be a dream. Although Roman was very creative, so maybe...hm. Why does it have to be so complicated?!  
He got into the living room, where he noticed Patton and Virgil chatting and chuckling. They were so concentrated on what the other said that no one even saw Roman till 5 minutes later. Virgil noticed first. Patton soon after.  
“Roman!” Patton got up and hugged his big brother lovingly. His hugs reminded Roman of their mother. She always had so much love and warmth to give. Sometimes he got afraid she wasn’t saving it for herself at all. Maybe that’s why Roman always pushed Patton to think about himself too. And perhaps that’s why he is such a narcissist.  
“Good morning, goofball. How was your night? Did you sleep well?”  
“For once, I slept like a sheep. Not even a nuclear bomb could wake me.”  
“Well, that’s good to hear. And the cloudy storm over there?” This nickname did not make Virgil happy.  
“Why won’t you go ask him yourself while I’m going to make you something to eat? I’ll be right back!” He smiled at Virgil and proceeded to head to the kitchen.  
“So…” Virgil started hesitantly. “How’s it go-”  
“Oh, please. Save it. I’m not in the mood for acting like I have the strength to be friendly around you. Go be a fake bitch somewhere else.”  
Virgil looked at him with disbelief. “Well, looks like I’m not the one being a bitch here.”  
“Excuse me?”  
Virgil stood up and got closer to Roman while pointing the finger at him. Roman scoffed. “You heard me. Remember, you’re the one who almost killed me. So I simply do not understand why you’re the angry one. You’re ruining the mood, and you make absolutely no damn sense. Patton is probably crying in the kitchen because of you.” Again, he didn’t even correctly wake up, and he already ruined everything. But, you know what? What does this idiot know about Roman? Nothing.  
“You are a nobody in this house. I invited you. I can also throw you out...like trash.”  
“Please do. Living on the streets would be so much better than living with you here.” Virgil shouldn’t be saying all of this. He was never so aggressive towards someone before. Something didn’t feel right. Virgil decided to step back a little. He sighed deeply. “Look, man, I’m sorry. I know, I got badly hurt, was unconscious for 5 days. Patton probably took more care of me than of you. You have all the right to feel bad. But please, don’t do this to Patton. I can leave if you want...Your brother is probably worried sick about both of us.” For a split second, Roman’s anger disappeared. He felt like himself again. Virgil had such a calming voice...then...Janus...he heard Janus’ voice in his head. “Take my hand.” He remembered everything turning into darkness.

“Shut the hell up. You don’t know anything. Not about Patton nor me. You’re just a meaningless pimp. A nobody.” Before Roman could think, he threw the first punch at Virgil. Where was all this anger coming from? It was almost like, he couldn’t control it...like he was losing himself. But Roman couldn’t stop. He just kept going.  
When he came back to reality again, Patton was holding his hands tight. It hurt. “Patton…”  
“I-I’m sorry.” He let go of Roman. Patton was shaking. Even Virgil looked worried about Roman. The anger left both of them, for now.  
Roman’s hands were hurting. What happened? He looked around. The living room was a mess. Then Roman looked at Virgil. God, he was an even bigger mess. His hair was going in all directions. He had a pink eye and a broken nose.  
But Roman wasn’t hurt at all. Virgil did nothing to him. All that was bruised was his knuckles and Roman’s giant ego.  
“I’m sorry, I...I don’t know what has gotten into me. I…” Roman got up. He got a bit closer to Virgil, wanting to help. Still, Patton got quickly between them, more worried about Virgil’s safety than Roman’s. Roman got the message. He backed off.  
“Roman, he has been here for a week, 5 days unconscious, so I wouldn’t even count those...Virgil got here because you hit him with a car! And you beat him as an apology? That is unacceptable.”  
“Patton…”  
“No!” Roman flinched. “You do NOT “Patton” me! Not this time. Virgil doesn’t deserve that kind of treatment! He’s here for almost a week now, and you did nothing to make up for what you did. You hit him with a car, then expect him to beg you for YOUR forgiveness? What is wrong with you? I’m going to the bathroom with him to make sure he doesn’t get an infection on his wounds. When we’re back...I want you not to be here. Come back home when you realize you did wrong. And when you’re ready, actually to DO better.” Patton was crying while saying all of this. Roman was too. Virgil stood there terrified. Should he feel guilty? He didn’t do anything wrong...he was so confused. Why would Roman hate him so much? Could he possibly be…? No. Roman was a human being. 100%. Right…? But where was this hatred coming from then? Maybe he was just a particular human being. Very annoying as well. Still, Roman deserves a second chance. When he comes back, Virgil will try again. And again. And again. Because that’s what the proper angles do, right? They forgive...and then they get hurt every time they try to. God. What has he gotten himself into?


	4. The Past - Roman

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for this chapter: Emotional abuse, manipulation, lots of angst, guilt-tripping, child abuse, seeing yourself above someone else, crying, anxiety (let me know if I should add anything else!)

Roman 

** A while ago ** 

“Why are you such a brat again? It’s not even past 4 PM, and you’re already tired? Please, just tell me you want to ruin our family’s reputation and move on with your life because you won’t get far with that attitude.” Roman’s mother did not have it tonight. She stood up from her chair and looked at him in the eyes. “Do you want to ruin us? Your brother’s future? Do you want that, Roman?”   
Roman was shaking. He did his best. Why wasn’t that enough? “N-no, mom. I really tried to make you proud...I even practiced my performance in the middle of the night. I did it over and over again. I’m pretty sure I made no mistakes this time…”   
“Are you calling me a liar?” She asked, shocked.   
“No, no, no, that’s not what I-”  
“You know what. I’ve heard enough.” Roman’s mom started to tear up. Her breath was uncalm. “I know you don’t love me anymore. Just leave me here to rot and die all alone, without my son, who was supposed to care about me. You always do this. You pretend to care and then show me the real you.” Roman’s heart broke. He didn’t mean to hurt his mom. He wants her to be happy! He really does.   
“I’m sorry, mom...I didn’t mean to...I really am horrible...I am. I love you, mom. Please, don’t be sad.” Now Roman was crying too. His mom wiped her tears off and smiled a little. “It’s okay. As an apology, you can clean the kitchen and make some dinner, and then I’ll forgive you.’’  
“Yes, ma’am!” Roman smiled widely. He got his second chance! There is no way to mess this up. He headed to the kitchen and started doing his job. 

After a few hours, he could barely walk. He was so tired. His feet hurt. But at least mom could rest a little. She did so much for Roman and Patton. She truly is the best of all.   
When dinner was ready, Roman put some food on the plates. He got to his mom first. “Here you go.” Ro smiled proudly. Mom didn’t even bother to say “thank you.” But that’s OK. Who needs a “thank you” anyway...then he gave a plate to Patton. Roman was last.   
“This is disgusting.” Said their mom.   
“I think it’s delicious.” respondent softly Patton.   
“You don’t need to be nice to him, sweetie. Sometimes you need to just...let the dog know where its place is.”   
“Dog…?” Roman whispered. Before he could say anything else, his mom proceeded to throw the food at the ground. You will eat this garbage while Patton and I will order some food online. You are not allowed to take a plate. Eat it as it is. Understood?” Roman could barely breathe. He didn’t understand. He really tried his best.   
“I asked something. Answer me!” She took his plate from his hands and threw it against the wall. Roman backed off. “Ah...look what you did. Patton is now scared because we can’t even have a calm evening. Clean this up when you’re done eating. And better eat. Because there won’t be anything more for you tonight.” Patton looked very worried. He mouthed, “I’ll come back later.” to Roman and left with mom. Roman couldn’t blame his little brother. If he stood up for Roman, he could also get in trouble, and he really didn’t want that. It was all enough that he was a failure. At least Pat will achieve something. He is very talented and nice...so...yeah. It will be fine. Mommy will be proud of Patton. And that’s all that counts. 

\---

Roman cleaned the whole mess. He couldn’t touch the food. It was all covered in hairs and bacteria. He learned that at school. Gross. If he got sick, mom would be very mad. His stomach hurt. His feet hurt. His head hurt. He laid down on the kitchen floor and started to cry. This was humiliating. Mom didn’t even punch him or something like that. Of course, he was overreacting. Still...ugh...Roman got so sleepy. Even the coldness of the ground wasn’t bothering him. 

\---

“RoRo? Roman, wake up, please…” he heard sniffling. Roman opened his eyes and saw his little brother..crying. Why was he crying? “What happened, Pat?”   
“I-I just...Ro, it isn’t fair! Mommy should be proud! The food tasted amazing; you’re so talented, your performance from last week was incredible, you’re beautiful, wonderful, sweet-”  
“Hey, hey, breathe, Patton. You’re gonna hyperventilate otherwise…Breathe with me. In and out. In...and out.” Roman took his little brother in his arms and hugged Patton tightly. “I’m sorry you had to see all of this again. I’m sorry. I know you don’t like when mom gets like this. I should’ve done more. It’s my fault.”  
“No! No, it’s not! You always do your best, that should be e-enough, Ro…I should’ve stood up for you, I-I should’ve…”   
“Hey...look at me, Pat.” Roman waited till his brother looked him in the eyes. They were shiny from tears. “Sometimes adults...make mistakes. For our mom, one of those mistakes was I. I was born when she...she didn’t want me, you know? But she wanted you. And that is all that matters to me. As long as you are safe, I don’t care about any of this. I just want to be here for you, goofball.” Roman smiled softly.  
“But...why do I have to watch you get hurt? You're my big bro, and I don’t want that...I want you to be happy too. You deserve that as well…” Roman didn’t see Patton cry very often. But when he did, it got more and more painful every time it happened. “She doesn’t hurt me, Pat. She doesn’t beat nor abuse me. See? I got only this one bruise from falling on the ground. The scream thingy doesn’t hurt me. Because I am strong, like a superhero. So now I need you to be strong for me as well, ok? Seeing you cry like this does hurt me. I much prefer you being all sunshine-y. Will you smile for me, goofball?” Then Roman jumped on Patton and started to tickle him. They both laughed so much. They couldn’t stop. Life was so much better with a little brother like Patton.   
But also much worse.

*Many years later* 

Roman took a deep breath and focused on now and here. He was alive and, most importantly...happy. Yes. He missed that feeling. But how could he feel anything else? It was a beautiful spring. Little sprouts grew slowly but passionately. And his little brother...gosh, he loved him so much. He was so long away doing his final exams, and Roman got scared Patton would forget him. And now Pat stood right next to Roman, for the first time in weeks.   
“What are you thinking about?” Patton asked softly, making sure not to startle Roman.  
“Just about how much I missed you. It gets quite lonely in here without you, goofball.” Patton smiled. “I missed you too, RoRo. Don’t worry too much. I won’t leave you for that long ever again.”   
“You promise?”   
“I promise.”   
Roman smiled. A promise is a promise, as their mother said. And he will remember this day. Patton will never leave him again.


End file.
